When Thank You Is Enough
Photo by Gratisography
Accepting a compliment doesn't always come naturally - at least it didn't for me.
I first stepped onto a stage when I was four years old to sing with my mom. Since then, I've been on thousands of stages. Sometimes the experience is life-affirming. The music lifts me up, and the connection with the audience is like a lovely conversation between friends who share a deep and abiding love.
Other times, I'm face to face with all my fears and frustrations: I'm not good enough. I can't hear myself. The sound on stage literally hurts. During those times, I feel disconnected from the audience, and my voice sounds and feels off.
Then there are times when everything is working, but I'm not quite achieving lift-off. The singer's high — the feeling that makes all the vocalizing, rehearsing, and travel worth it, is elusive.
But that's my subjective experience, and it has nothing to do with the audience.
Sometimes, when my performance has left me feeling flat, someone will share their experience of the concert with me — how much the music moved them, and how wonderful my voice sounded. They're sincere in their appreciation and want to thank me for the experience.
“My inner critic pipes up, “Oh, honey. They are so wrong.”
"If they only knew what a mess you made of the new song. Or how flat you were. Didn't they notice that crack on the high note? Or how nervous you were when you introduced the last tune?"
Earlier in my career, with my inner critic in the driver's seat, I would say thank you, and then launch into what went wrong. I'd make excuses — my voice wasn't really doing that well, we didn't have time to rehearse, or, I couldn't hear — so thank goodness it sounded OK out front.
Some singers have the opposite response. Why, thank you! I WAS amazing, wasn't I?
What do these responses have in common? They both come from ego, protecting or puffing itself up. Either response puts the spotlight back on you when it should be on the person who's taken the time to share their experience with you, and give you the gift of a compliment.
I've finally realized that this is their moment, and I'm not letting them have it. I may have played a part in creating an experience for them by showing up, prepared to do my best. But the perception of the performance is different for each of us. When I share all the things about it that didn't go well for me, it diminishes the feeling they had and want to share.
